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For my daughter MingXia
London, 2:30 p.m.
- Hi, Mom. - Hi, dear.
I have bad news.
Montreal, 9:30 a.m.
Your dad's prognosis isn't good. You have to come.
Did he ask you to call?
Not in so many words.
- We saw each other for 15 minutes last summer.
We had nothing to say.
- With his flat, bank account, insurance, the university...
Your sister's in Australia. It's too much for me.
I'll see if Gaëlle can come.
London, 2:35 p.m. - Again from the Robert collection,
"White Sleep" by Susan Scott. Start off me on this one
at 4,000 pounds, please.
Gentleman in the back, 4,500.
4,500.
- 5,000 pounds, gentleman on the aisle.
5,000.
Fine example of Scott's work...
Hi, love.
He's worse? - I have to be there.
- Absentee bidder on the phone, 6,000 pounds.
I'll come.
Lady in the front, 6,500.
6,500.
You don't have to come.
- I've warned you you'll never get rid of me.
- Do you hear me complaining? - You better not.
7,000.
- Seeing it's Monday morning, I'll give you five minutes to get them.
We're now starting the aerobics, so get moving.
We'll start with jogging on the spot.
Montreal, 9:40 a. m.
Because I loved you.
You'll never understand that.
Women aren't afraid to love.
We commit ourselves.
We don't forever lie and shun responsibility!
I wasted fouryears of my life waiting foryou!
The best years of my life!
Good luck finding another woman like me!
Careful. He's very ill.
- I don't care! We're talking about my life here!
And what do I have to show for it? Nothing!
If at least you'd pleasured me.
Because I've got news foryou, darling. You're not equipped to pleasure anyone!
I don't want to bruise your ego, but I've had better.
My performance in bed with you was Oscar-worthy!
But you never doubted it, did you? No, never.
Never, never, never!
- Ow. - Oh, no you don't!
That's too easy.
Cheating on me forfouryears with Sylviane Dupuis, Ginette Mongrain,
Mireille Tétrault!
That woman weighs a ton!
Ginette Mongrain?
- Yes! You don't remember your own mistresses?
You've had too many. - Ginette Mongrain...
- Ginette Mongrain. The string bean from Olivieri's.
- I never slept with her. - She told me herself.
At least have the guts to admit it!
- She told you that? - Damn right.
I swear...
I don't remember.
THE BARBARIAN INVASIONS
The body of Christ.
Amen.
Have a good day.
The body of Christ.
The communion's over here.
The body of Christ.
Amen.
On the way back, perhaps?
And there you have it!
What a comeback!
How's Mr. Desmarais?
- I don't know. I'm not Mr. Desmarais.
- Sorry, the computer system is a mess.
Constance Lazure.
My wife, Louise.
Must be hard having him here.
I threw him out 15 years ago.
So whether he's here or humping co-eds in his condo...
- Gimme a break. You know it's been years
since I humped a co-ed.
And Raphaëlle Metellus?
- She was Dominique's student, not mine.
- You were her personal tutor? "Kneel down, open wide.
Careful, don't bite!"
- I'd best continue my rounds. Have a good day!
You too, Sister.
Goodbye!
I called Sébastien to let him know.
- You did? - He's coming.
I see.
Aren't you glad?
- Lovely, we can play his video games.
He's still young.
- OK, but couldn't he have read one book in his life?
Any book? Is that asking too much?
- He may not read, but he earns more in a month than you in a year.
Thanks a lot.
That's OK, we had room.
It's flying to Belfast Monday...
- I'll probably have to stay longer.
- The British Museum? - No, it's in the National Gallery.
In the basement. - The Trafalgar Square Museum, right?
Yes, exactly.
My darling!
You must be exhausted. What time is it foryou?
2 a. m.?
Gaëlle, how are you, dear?
Fine, thank you.
Hello, sir.
Young man.
You remember Gaëlle?
Gaëlle is unforgettable.
Hello, sir.
How are you?
No private rooms?
I'm lucky I'm not in the hall.
- I tried, all I got was voice mail.
- Good evening, Thor. You're not in Stavenger, are you?
Oh, Houston.
No, I'm in Canada.
What's going on over here?
I guess you're fixing the wiring.
What the...?
Hey, hey, hey.
- There must be private rooms available?
- Private rooms were abolished 40 years ago.
What you mean, abolished?
- Excuse me. My TV's on the fritz.
There's nothing I can do, sir.
- Maybe so, but my shows are on in two minutes.
- The TVs are managed by a private company. Call tomorrow.
- What? Tomorrow! What am I supposed to do tonight?
I don't know, sir!
Do you have a clamp?
Not here. Look overthere.
- Do you know anything about TVs? - No.
- There was something else I wanted to ask you.
- I've been on duty for 12 hours without a break.
I'm doing three people's work. So go bother someone else.
Madam. Madam?
- Can I see my father's medical chart?
- Later. I'm too busy right now. Later.
- I managed to find his chart. I'll scan it foryou upstairs.
Baltimore, Maryland. USA 10:30 p. m.
- I can't look at it right now, old buddy, 'cause I'm at a ball.
Yes, my friend, the Baltimore Museum of Art's annual ball.
Worse yet, I think Allison will make me dance.
I'll look at it first thing tomorrow and call you back, OK?
"Dad's very sick. Please get in touch. "
"Message sent to... sylvaineatsea@hotmail. com
Good morning, John.
How's the weather in Singapore?
As usual. Listen, I'm working on the Norwegian deal.
I need some indications. Cal 3, Cal 4, Brent swaps and options.
Can you price me a producer's swap in a $20 put?
Well, let's assume 5,000 a day each.
- It's a cable problem. There's no signal, sir.
Oh. Then fix the cable.
I can't touch the cable, sir.
Why not?
- We just handle the TVs. Videotron handles cable.
You have to call them.
- They'll never come, they're practically bankrupt.
File a complaint.
- Who with? - I don't know. The head office.
- The head office? Where's that?
Hey, I don't have time forthat!
I have a life, you know!
Television is a right!
I loved you so.
I don't understand, Rémy.
I don't understand yourfear of commitment.
But I don't blame you.
You were always afraid of responsibility.
That's just the way you were.
I never wanted to change you.
Three years is a long time to wait, you know.
The best years of my life.
What I see isn't encouraging.
But to be sure I need a PET scan.
Positron Emission Tomography.
See if they can do it. They can send it by satellite.
The saddest part is...
that I always remained...
how should I put it?...
sexually unfulfilled.
I'm not trying to make you feel guilty.
Positron Emission Tomography.
- Sherbrooke has one, but there's a 6-to-12-month waiting list.
Don't even try.
Isn't he going to Burlington today? - Yes.
They have one, but it's expensive. $2000 U.S.
Cash or plastic. - Money's no problem.
You're lucky.
Yeah.
You never listened to my body.
But I'm not laying a guilt...
Look, I have to get dressed.
Stop running away!
- An ambulance is taking me to Burlington in 10 minutes.
No more excuses!
- For my radiation therapy. - No!
The machines here are too old.
- Stop avoiding me, it's too painful.
- This is my son, Sébastien, he's going with me.
She's...
a woman I used to know, long ago.
I couldn't face coming alone.
You've never been here?
Never.
- But you see each other regularly.
Always on neutral ground.
Usually in restaurants.
Did he come to your place?
Occasionally.
But you never came here.
- No. This was where he brought his mistresses.
With luck, we'll find some panties.
I'm glad Sébastien's going with him today.
It's important they talk.
It costs about $2.10 a barrel.
Which would give you a break-even of $17.90
and roughly 21.7 on the combo.
I'll send you an e-mail with the details. Okay?
Alrighty. Bye.
Rémy left 15 years ago.
Back then, I was sure I'd find someone else soon.
I gave myself a year... two, max.
I was still young... and fairly cute.
But I neverfound anyone.
I've bedded a few men... that's not so hard to find...
but they were already married,
or had problems.
Orthey were just plain dirty.
A lot of men don't bathe, you know.
Yes, I know.
- Good morning, guys. Welcome to America.
Praise the Lord.
Hallelujah.
You know the proverb,
"Christmas in the scanner, Easter 6 feet under. "
Hello?
I have the scan.
It doesn't look good. Not good at all.
Really?
We can't be certain,
but the margin of error...
It's almost nil.
Okay.
Is he in a lot of pain?
I don't know. Maybe.
Why don't you bring him here?
We don't perform miracles, but he won't suffer. We'll make sure.
- I'll think about it. Okay, I'll call you back.
- I'm sorry, buddy. - Okay.
Thanks.
Baltimore's not far.
Seven hours by car, an hour by plane.
I won't go into exile.
No goddamn way.
- Wouldn't you like your own room, chairs for visitors,
a bathroom, CDs?
What CDs?
So you can listen to music.
They have that in civilized countries.
Know what that costs?
- Nothing. I'll look after it. - I won't know a soul.
We'll all go tomorrow.
- No we won't. I'm not going to the States,
to be murdered by rabid Mohammedans.
He's crazy.
- I voted for Medicare, I'll accept the consequences.
Only idiots refuse to change.
I want to be with my friends.
Yourfriends? Where are they?
- Dominique's away, but Pierre... - You've no one.
Apart from that lunatic this morning.
- Which lunatic? - It's irrelevant.
The tears, rolling eyes: "My Rémy!"
- Who's he talking about? - Marlène Dupire.
- You didn't sleep with Marlène Dupire?
She's a certified nut, everyone knows!
- You wrecked yourfamily for her kind?
I wrecked nothing.
- You ruined Mom's life, my adolescence, Sylvaine's...
Blaming me for herfailure?
- She loves the sea, she sails the world, delivering yachts.
Beats a third-rate university in some backwater province.
- You may be a millionaire, but you know nothing!
I know I won't end up like you!
She's the reason I'm here.
She raised me, not you!
I'm here for her, not you!
- Don't you have a plane to catch to Hong Kong?
I don't need you,
not for one second! Go to hell!
Fuck you!
Go to hell!
Fuck!
We're returning to London.
You can't!
- We offer him the finest hospital, he refuses.
You heard him. He'll never change.
Plan to have kids?
Definitely.
- Until you're a parent, you'll never understand.
He changed your diapers.
He called yourteachers every month all through school.
You never knew that.
He so wanted you to do well.
When you had meningitis at age 3,
he rocked you in his arms for48 hours non-stop, without sleep,
to keep death at bay.
You can't rememberthat.
What should I do?
- Find his friends. Find him a comfortable room.
That shouldn't be hard.
- The Ministry forbids changing hospitals.
Anyway, they'd park him in a hall in Emergency.
- The floor below is empty. - Two years, now.
Could he move there?
Ice cream with your pie?
You can always ask at Administration. Good luck!
Thanks.
I'll leave you now.
You're lucky to have such a caring son.
You think so?
- Look around! See many children at their parent's bedside?
I'm here every day, so I know.
They never stay long.
I never see mine.
And your dad?
Was he hospitalized?
- At the end. - Did you visit?
- He lived in Chicoutimi, I was in Montreal.
You came from England?
London, Chicoutimi, foryou...
same thing? Are you becoming confused?
- When it's over, press End. That stops it.
It's hard, but if you concentrate, you'll manage.
Hi, Dad!
See, the Pacific Ocean.
We sail from Sydney to New Caledonia,
on to Easter Island and finally Valparaiso.
I'm sending you lots of sea air.
They say it's good foryour health.
I have to go. Satellite connections cost a fortune.
I'm sending lots and lots of kisses.
Bye for now!
Hi, Dad!
See, that's the Pacific...
- Are you flying to Stavengertonight?
Okay. Well, then you may want to think about fixing 2,000 a day,
in case it gets worse.
Huh. Tell you what,
why don't you leave us an order at 24.50
At that level, there's a good chance of getting it filled before closing.
- Badge? - Sorry. Would you hold on for a sec?
Security badge?
- Ms. Pelletier? Lloyd's of London.
Didn't they give you one?
- No. - This is Administration.
- I'm back. Look at it this way, if the market improves,
you still have 8,000 to do. If it falls further, you got something done.
- Last door on the right. But next time you need a badge.
- I'll call London right away and tell them we have an order.
EitherJohn or Lisa will call you once it's filled.
All right? Okay. Bye.
Hello.
Pauline Joncas-Pelletier.
Please have a seat.
So you're with Lloyd's of London?
- Not at all, I said that to get in.
My father's here. I'd like to move him to the empty floor.
Set up something more comfortable.
That's wonderful!
It complies with our awareness programs involving family members.
But unfortunately our allocation of infrastructure
is determined by the Ministry's ambulatory thrust.
It is absolutely impossible
to target our responses in terms of individual beneficiaries.
I'm sure our staff...
I prepared this file.
You must understand,
our resource allocation aims at prioritizing
responses according to diagnostic parameters
defined by the Region 02 consultations.
This is silly. We're not in the Third World.
Think it over.
Even if we close our eyes,
we'd require union integration.
And that is problematic!
I'll handle them.
This file will be updated weekly.
I'll come back tomorrow. Thank you!
There's a room on the empty floor.
It'll take 5 minutes. Ljust want to show you.
I'll be back in 5.
Sorry, take the next one.
Here.
I want to set up a room on this floor. We could...
- Look, nothing happens without the union.
It starts and ends with the union. Understand?
I came to you, right?
You'd have to paint it, scrub the floor...
clean up. - Just a sec, man.
You're talking overtime, you realize.
And my guys don't... - Paid in cash.
Cash?
Cash. One painter.
Two.
Six hours.
Eight.
What's the rate?
$40.
$35.
I want a bed, curtains, chairs...
Look, man, we don't do that.
- You hire a crew, supervise the work.
And charge me a reasonable fee.
Reasonable?
Let's say 25%.
Here's $2500 for starters.
We'll settle up every 2 days.
- What's wrong? - Where's my laptop?
- What? - My computer.
- On the floor. - It's not there.
- It must be. - Nothing there.
The floor, not the locker.
I'm not crazy. - It's not there.
Someone must have taken it.
- Who? - I don't know.
- I've had 50 e-mails. How'll I recoverthem?
My entire deal with Norway. There's no backup.
Do you know what I do? - No.
- You should. - You nevertold me.
Why bother? You never listen!
There were, what, 3,000 dead?
Historically, that's insignificant.
As a U.S. Example,
50,000 died at the Battle of Gettysburg.
What is significant, as my old profs said,
is they struck at the heart of the Empire.
In previous conflicts... Korea,
Vietnam, the Gulf War...
the Empire managed to keep the barbarians
outside its gates, its borders.
In that sense,
people may look back on 9/11, and I stress may,
as the beginning of the great barbarian invasions.
Alain Lussier, thank you.
My pleasure.
Ahem.
Excuse me, my computer was just stolen.
Oh yeah?
Fill out this form.
What for?
It's forthe police.
Look, I've had all these since Monday.
The police ever investigate?
- No, only when there's physical violence.
Last week a woman was raped in the old laundry room, so they came.
Otherwise, they'd be here 24/7.
It's easy to rob patients. They're asleep half the time.
And the union protects the employees.
There's not much we can do.
Ronald?
Excuse me.
What can I do foryou, pal?
- I lost or misplaced my computer.
Maybe in my dad's room.
So, on the off-chance someone should find
a laptop somewhere...
- We'll ask around, but I can't guarantee anything.
In case.
Right, in case. We'll check.
Thanks, I appreciate it.
My pleasure.
Pronto.
Yes, speaking.
Of course I rememberyou, Sébastien.
How are you?
Yes, it's been a long time.
He's very sick.
And he's all alone, except for my mother.
- I knew he was in hospital, but I didn't realize...
I almost never come to Montreal, so...
Is he still in hospital?
Pierre, I need you, now.
- School's starting, we haven't found a daycare, the kids are sick...
That's life. Always the same.
Yes. Yes...
I'll try to get a flight.
Okay.
- You say that because times are so terrible.
- Not especially terrible. Not at all.
Contrary to belief, the 20th century wasn't that bloody.
It's agreed that wars caused 100 million deaths.
Add 10 million for the Russian gulags.
The Chinese camps, we'll never know, but say 20 million.
So 130, 135 million dead. Not all that impressive.
In the 16th century, the Spanish and Portuguese managed,
without gas chambers or bombs,
to slaughter 150 million Indians in Latin America.
With axes! That's a lot of work, Sister.
Even if they had Church support, it was an achievement.
So much so that the Dutch, English, French and later Americans
followed their lead and butchered another 50 million.
200 million dead in all!
The greatest massacre in history took place right here.
And not the tiniest Holocaust museum.
The history of mankind is a history of horrors!
- They had a trial program with heroin.
See if it still exists.
Heroin's 800% more effective than morphine.
It makes a huge difference.
OK, thanks.
Get some rest.
I will. Good night.
- When did they move you? - This morning.
It's wonderful.
- And that's not all. Sébastien's putting in a kitchenette.
- What a prince. - That's it, complain.
- Hello, Sister. - Look at this!
Are you pals with the Premier, or a hockey star?
- His son takes care of him. - I know.
And Dumbo won't thank him.
- My son is an ambitious and puritanical capitalist.
Whereas I was always a sensual socialist.
Sensual isn't half of it, Sister.
- Lewd! Bestial! - Debauched! Lascivious!
Perverse!
How are you, you lusty sinner?
Better!
Ah... - Give me a kiss, you randy snake!
- You're back? - Yesterday.
And Alaska?
Lovely and cold, like me!
- You see, Sister? My exquisite daughter-in-law,
my heroic wife, and two most charming mistresses.
I can die in peace.
- You'll burn in the flames of hell.
And I won't be alone.
They're safe, but given the depravity of these two,
they'll roast alongside me.
Whereas you'll play the harp on a cloud
for eternity, seated between John Paul II, a surly Pole,
and Mother Theresa, a slimy Albanian.
His illness has affected his brain.
- No, it's an ethnological truth, Louise.
Albanians are often slimy and Poles are always surly.
- "Forthe misfortunes of Poland... "
"... are proof of God's existence!"
Hello.
I'd like to meet someone,
a police officer or detective on the narcotics squad.
Have a seat.
Buongiorno.
I don't believe it!
Come stai, you big pig?
- What are you doing here, old queer?
- Roma, Mialno, Toronto, Montreal...
This is Alessandro.
We've heard all about you.
Hello.
- Gilles Levac. My partner, Kim Delgado.
A pleasure.
This way.
Have a seat.
Thanks.
My father's hospitalized here in Montreal.
He gets rotten care, of course, and he's in pain.
A doctorfriend suggested I get him some heroin.
I know little about drugs.
As a student I smoked pot.
Drugs are sold in every city, and the police know where.
I hoped, perhaps naively, you could recommend
some spots where I can find high-quality heroin.
- That's fascinating, except that...
our job is to arrest dealers,
not help prospective buyers.
- Think of me as a smart guy trying to save time.
- Think of me as someone not too dumb
who doesn't want to read a headline:
"Police Help OurJournalist to Buy Narcotics"
I'm no...
- She and I don't want to end our days directing traffic in Chibougamau.
I swear I'm not a reporter.
Why should I believe you?
- I'm a market operator with MacDougall Deutsch.
It's easy to check.
It's easy to print phoney cards.
Sorry to disturb you.
Madame.
I'll have to try the discos. Or go straight to the bikers.
You wouldn't have their number, by any chance?
No?
- We're not staying long, all right? We have to get to Costco's by 6:00,
and Mom's expecting us at 5:30. - Yes, all right.
- I don't want to be the heavy. - No, no.
Look, the Citrouillard family!
- Claude, I don't believe it! How are you?
FYI, bikers are boneheads
who sell bonehead drugs to other boneheads.
They don't touch heroin.
Okay.
Heroin used to be forthe rich.
Now prices have dropped, and that's changed.
But traditionally it's the drug of musicians,
and poets...
You mean, ask my friends?
I don't mean anything.
I'm repeating rumours circulated in the media.
Okay.
What exactly do you do?
My dear, I'm the director
of the Canadian University Institute of Rome.
Oh. Hmm.
What exactly does it do,
the Canadian University Institute of Rome?
- In fact, we're a leading cultural agency
that assists Canadian university students in Rome.
- And how many Canadian university students are there in Rome?
In fact, a few.
Why do you ask? - Well...
- To know how ourtaxes are being squandered.
We're a very modest operation.
Naturally the director requires paid housing...
Piazza Borghese.
...where you're always welcome, of course.
- You haven't been hit by cutbacks?
- Quite impossible. - Ah.
The Institute is buried
in the budgetary quagmire of Foreign Affairs.
The Minister himself has no inkling we exist.
- Who should I have slept with to get that job?
- I'm afraid that the people I slept with
would've been blind to your charms,
however abundant they are.
Abundance has its fans, dearie.
Not in Foreign Affairs.
This it?
Someone found it somewhere?
That's it.
I have to get heroin for him.
I need someone with contacts.
I've been away too long.
- The only powder I sniff now is Baby's Own.
- I could try to ask my daughter. Remember Nathalie?
Yes, a little.
- I can't promise. I rarely hearfrom her.
Hi, sweetheart. It's Mom. It's Diane.
I miss you, sweetheart.
Look,
remember Sébastien, Rémy's son?
You often played together as kids.
He wants to meet.
He needs some information.
So call wheneveryou like, at any time.
If you prefer not to talk to me, I'll leave you his number.
- We have to hit Costco before 6:00. We need a shitload of diapers.
Children cost so much. Why do people
in the Third World have so many? - What a dumb thing to say.
Your poor students, if you teach such crap!
Did you get that book I mentioned?
Which one?
- "Inner Healing" by Swami Rapudanthra.
No, unfortunately not.
- I'll bring it. Your body's in your head.
Illness starts and ends in the head.
I keep telling Pierre that.
It's certainly possible.
Well, we'll be going.
- See you soon. - Bye.
Ciao.
Bye.
How old is she?
- It's not about age. Her breasts outweigh her brain.
- Cut it out. - It's true!
The quantity of blood they require
drains the brain. It's physiological.
No wisecracks.
She's given me two girls who've transformed my life.
And a mere brush of her hand makes me as hard as a bull.
Which you'll agree is a godsend at our age.
Vale.
Nathalie?
I didn't recognize you.
Come.
Thank you.
Do you work full-time?
What do you do?
Proofreader.
For a publishing company?
Boréal Press.
So your hours are flexible.
My proposal is that I pay foryour supplies,
as well as my father's,
plus a fee foryourtime.
Want brown or white?
I've no idea.
To smoke or shoot up?
I trust you.
You shouldn't.
Why not?
You should nevertrust a junkie.
They make a habit of lying.
It's right there.
How much?
$500.
Thanks.
Hi. - Hi.
It's pretty chilly, huh?
That girl's innocent.
My dad knows her mom. She's doing me a favour.
Arrest me, but forget her.
Arrest you?
- Think I'm a fool? - Not at all.
You located Olivier in two days. Nice going.
- Olivier? - Yeah. The dealer.
Why not arrest him?
Want me to arrest everyone?
Look at that!
Recognize him? - Who's he?
Michel Richer, the biologist.
You never bust suppliers?
All the time.
We work 2, 3 years, bust an Iranian gang.
Everyone's happy.
And Iraqis take their place.
Orthe Lebanese, Turks, Italians.
There's too much demand.
It's an invasion.
What are you doing here?
I mean, now?
My job.
I see.
Keeping the peace.
- The fish are biting in Zampino's pond.
Time to go fishing.
What did you study?
Why do you ask?
Curious.
Criminology, minor in psych.
You?
- Mathematics, minor in economics.
Take care.
You too.
You don't remember me?
- No. - I was close to your mom.
You mean you slept with her?
Not just that.
Were you married?
Yes.
- The married ones never stayed till morning.
I'd see them if I woke up at night.
- From a child's perspective, it must seem sordid.
We called it...
sexual liberation.
What's that?
- Heroin. - It comes from opium, right?
- It's morphine mixed with chemicals.
Will you inject it?
- We'll start by inhaling and then see.
It's incredible to...
Shhh.
Be quiet now. Try to concentrate.
The first time is the best.
It's the one you long for.
It's called "riding the dragon. "
'Morning.
Good morning!
- It smells. Have you been smoking?
Not on your life.
I light a candle to meditate.
Where's your IV?
Dr. Lévesque had it removed.
Good morning, my doctoresses.
Take a deep breath.
Does it hurt here?
Oh, yes.
- And here too? - There too, yes.
- Is it unbearable? - Goodness, no!
You're in high spirits.
Couldn't be higher!
How do you sleep?
Like a baby.
- Then I won't prescribe painkillers.
Forget it!
That's wonderful.
I always say, the longer they stay lucid, the better.
- I plan to remain lucid till I die.
Wonderful, Mr. Parenteau.
Thanks so much, Dr. Dubé.
I'm not Dr. Dubé.
- How fitting, because I'm not Mr. Parenteau.
Who's he?
- So it all started with Maria Goretti?
Exactly. The girl who said, No!
Which one was Maria Goretti?
A Portuguese peasant.
- Portuguese? Santa Maria Goretti!
She was Italian?
From Nettuno.
Portugal,
that's Fatima, the apparitions, the Virgin, the shepherds.
The secret of Fatima.
Which only the Pope could hear.
Poor Canada, in 1960.
Look, we believed it.
- So they filmed the edifying life of Maria Goretti.
Starring?
I've racked my brains.
Inés Orsini.
Of course!
The immortal Inés Orsini!
How could I forget?
- I saw it at school in Padua with the Jesuits.
Me, the Jesuits at Brébeuf.
Me, at the Chicoutimi seminary.
Forthe whole film,
the immortal Inés Orsini is covered from head to toe.
But at some point they had to at least suggest
the abject nature of the bestial desire
of the vile rapist.
So the exquisite Maria dips her adorable toes into the ocean.
With a regal but modest gesture,
she lifts her skirt...
The thighs of Inés Orsini!
Even I remember!
- Bene! - Oh, the rivers of sperm I spilled
dreaming of her thighs.
- So that explains the rise in the level of the St. Lawrence River.
Absolutely!
For years I'd fall asleep with a hard-on, dreaming of Inés Orsini,
until the day I saw
Françoise Hardy on TV singing "All the Boys and Girls. "
I was suddenly indifferent to Inés's holy airs.
Maria Goretti, alone,
abandoned... the fate of womanhood.
- For a long time I slept with Françoise Hardy. We were very happy.
Alas, I discovered Julie Christie in a film.
Our mad affair lasted six months,
till I met Chris Evert, the tennis champ,
whom I left forthe sublime Karen Kain
dancing Carmen in Marseille.
All my life I went to bed with the world's most gorgeous women.
Then one morning I awoke realizing
I'd fallen asleep dreaming of the Caribbean.
I'd grown old. Women had deserted my dreams.
- It's been so long since I dreamed of a man.
Okay,
I'll talk to you soon. Bye.
Just what is it you do?
- You're president of a Norwegian oil firm.
You've bought a North Sea oil field from a failing U.S. Company.
You can produce oil for $7 per barrel, and you sell for $25.
But you want to limit your exposure to fluctuating oil prices. How?
No idea.
You see me, we do a swap.
What's that?
A deal where my bank
pays you a set price and you pay the floating price.
You contract to sell your oil at a set price
for a set period. In short,
I manage yourfinancial risk.
Are you good at what you do?
Pretty good.
Could you get the driver
to stop at the lake?
Probably.
I'd like to see it again.
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